Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
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I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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