Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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