yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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