Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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