ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
