he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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