I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
