Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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