I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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