oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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