i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
