I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
