"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
