now i know why i became what i already was.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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