I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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