I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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