Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
