Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
