You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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