Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
