Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just want to make out with him forever
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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