How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
