Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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