Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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