Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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