Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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