Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
