i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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