Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
