I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am puke
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
