isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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