I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
