You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
