i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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