if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
