Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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