Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
