as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Someone came in the potted fern
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
