I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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