Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
