the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
bring money and cleavage
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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