That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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