He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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