So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
