Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I need to stop coming to work sober
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
