Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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