You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
