I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
