it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
