its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
