Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
