she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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