bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
