That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
