he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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