Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I pour the whiskey from now on
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
