I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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