but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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