; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish i was in the wii world.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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