And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
