I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
