lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
