i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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