Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
