How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
is it fun? or sober?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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