My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
