u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
