i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
