Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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