she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
