yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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