apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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