i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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