I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
