Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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