How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
