That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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