mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
