apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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