just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
