Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
