we have officially lost it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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