Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
