from now on my penis is your penis
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
