I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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