Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Its about making memories worth repressing
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize