I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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